we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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