one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
