I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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