Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize