And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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