My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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