But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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