Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
