the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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