we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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