He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
