it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
