You smell like stripper and shame
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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