Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
