I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
