There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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