I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
