you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
