Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
