Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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