i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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