Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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