Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
