if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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