I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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