I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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