I hate all girls vehemently.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize