he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
