my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
