I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
