i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Sober January is a disaster.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
