i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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