Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
