He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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