My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm jealous of your bromance
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
