Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Mom said you looked used
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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