The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
