dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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