Screwed.edu
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
