so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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