i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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