cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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