I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
