I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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