i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize