only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
