he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
