Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
