Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
