you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
