My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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