People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
