I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
