But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
