He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I AM VODKA MAN
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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