is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
