I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
