Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
it was like eating out sand paper
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
