My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize