i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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