haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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