so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
