Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
