i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
