Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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