If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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