I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
