I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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