Your dad touched me again.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
