actually, I'm a sock model
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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