Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
