Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
