Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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