who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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