walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
