oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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