her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
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