Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
