and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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