Dude my mom stole all your condoms
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
