Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
