Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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