pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
